


you steal the air out of my lungs (you make me feel it)

by mazapan13



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Azula (Avatar), Bisexual Ty Lee (Avatar), Drinking, Drunk Sex, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Recreational Drug Use, Sex
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 21:21:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29124843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mazapan13/pseuds/mazapan13
Summary: Ty Lee gets lost in Azula the way she always has – she used to be too young to notice or acknowledge it, but now that she has, there’s not other way but down. College!AU
Relationships: Azula/Ty Lee (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar), Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 11
Kudos: 41





	you steal the air out of my lungs (you make me feel it)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! It's been ages since I've written anything, I've been dwelling on stuff. I realized, though, that the best way to deal with things is through writing. This fic also has a complementary playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0HfjZxX2vlYIL0PPoggPQK listen to it for a fuller experience :) I hope you enjoy!  
> The title is from the song 'don't take the money' by bleachers. God bless Jack Antonoff.

At dawn, she’s her happiest.

Ty Lee always rises with the sun – she’s always wondered if that was what led Azula to choose her as a friend. Azula rises with the sun, too. She says it makes her feel as if she’s being reborn every day – as if she has a chance to be even better, be even more _perfect_.

For Ty Lee, it’s something else. She feels as though the sun was her heart and the moon her soul. During the day, she’s her happiest, ‘ _she floats around rooms and brightens it with a smile – her heart literally wakes with the sun’_. (At least, that’s what Mai told her when Ty Lee asked if Azula ever mentioned her when she wasn’t around).

(That was one of the best days of her life).

She wakes thanks to the faint sound of tapping on glass. Lightly, then a bit more hurriedly. She groans and tosses a couple of times before the tapping becomes more insistent – enough to make her open her eyes. She arches an eyebrow when she turns to the side that faces the window and sees Azula looking at her pointedly, as if she can’t believe it took _this_ long for Ty Lee to wake up.

She’s always been impatient like that.

Ty Lee rolls her eyes playfully and gets out of bed. The sky outside is showing its faintiest orange, tinted up a bit by the darkest of blues. She welcomes it, and her heart soars (which of course doesn’t have anything to do with Azula).

She puts on a pair of pants and a hoodie (her favorite one, the one that she borrowed _~~stole~~_ from Azula a couple of months ago) and climbs out of the window.

“Good morning ‘Zula.” She greets, smiling brightly at Azula.

“Took you long enough.” Azula says, although a small smile betrays her apparent annoyance.

Ty Lee chuckles and climbs down to join Azula on the ground, who in turn starts walking.

It’s a path she knows all too well. They’ve been coming here since they were twelve and Azula had dragged her along on a _‘chasing the sun’_ mission.

_‘I want to see it rise.’ Azula said._

They’ve been chasing the sun since then.

Tomorrow’s the day they go off to college: Azula would be going to Caldera, an university one hour away from the city and the most prestigious one in the Fire Nation. Ty Lee would be attending RU, Republic University, which is at the heart of the city.

They promised they’d chase the sun together whenever something monumental in their lives would happen let it be something wonderful or something bad. They always do it for their birthdays, the day Ursa abandoned Azula, the day Ty Lee’s dad left her mom, the day they were nervous about starting high school (Azula keeps insisting she wasn’t nervous, but Ty Lee knows she was at least a bit anxious).

And now tomorrow – the day they get separated the longest they have been since they were six years old.

Azula leads the way, as she always does. Ty Lee wonders if that dynamic is going to go along forever, or if she’d get to lead the way – _would Azula follow?_

It’s a field covered in lilies, Azula’s favorite flower, and it has a direct view to the sunrise. The first time she saw it, Ty Lee thought it looked like a real-life painting.

They walk in silence for a solid fifteen minutes before reaching it.

It’s still early, and it’s a bit chilly. She shivers a little but tries to hide it from Azula who would a) tease her about it, and b) reprimand her for not wearing warmer clothes. ‘ _A hoodie does not suffice Ty Lee; you never wear anything underneath’_. In her defense, only psychopaths wear something underneath a hoodie.

It’s also not her fault Azula never gets cold.

“Are you nervous, Ty Lee?” Azula asks after a while, her eyes fixated on the sun.

Ty Lee ponders for a moment – she _is_ nervous, she just doesn’t know why. She’s not one to be afraid of changes, she welcomes them. She likes to go on and about and keep on moving.

This time’s different – she feels a tug in her heart, as if it were dragging her towards another direction, _begging_ her to follow it.

“Yes.” She responds, her eyes drifting from the sun to Azula every once in a while – she loves how the sunlight hits Azula’s face just right, her face adorned with the unique glow of the sun. “Are you?” She adds – she knows only Azula asks questions when she wants to talk about a topic that concerns her.

“I don’t know.” Azula says and Ty Lee fights back the urge to arch an eyebrow. Azula never does _not_ know – she’s the smartest, the most eloquent, and the most pragmatic. “I feel something strange in me, my heart’s erratic and I can hardly sleep. Those are the usual tells of someone being nervous, but I don’t feel like it’s just that.”

Ty Lee listens and wonders if Azula’s heart wants her to run away, too.

Maybe their hearts are connected. Ty Lee wouldn’t be surprised; she feels as though her heart beats calmer when she’s with Azula. Like it knows Azula is its home.

“You know what I think would make you feel better?” Ty Lee says, turning to face Azula completely now. The sky is painted orange and red with the faintest shade of yellow, the sun is higher up and Azula’s eyes reflect it’s light completely.

“What?” Azula humors her, looking back at her.

“This.” And with that, Ty Lee places a kiss on Azula’s cheek, to then sprint abruptly, running towards the path that leads to her house. She doesn’t know where the boldness to kiss Azula on the cheek came from, but it makes her feel warm. She likes it. “We’re chasing the sun! Come on!”

It turns out, Azula does follow her after all.

-

“How’s the big bright city?” Azula asks her over the phone after Ty Lee’s last class of the day ended – ballet, which was the sole reason she applied to Republic U in the first place.

“Bright. Crazy. Full of dancers who think they are the center of the universe and who don’t have any physical flaws it’s almost annoying.” She answers, sticking her tongue out at Suki and Sokka – fellow dancers and her new friends – who hear her and flip her off as a reply. She chuckles and walks down the street to the subway. “How’s the preppy’s den?” She adds, making Azula scoff at the nickname her college had been given by, well, everyone.

“Ah, so Republic U is full of yous.” Azula says nonchalantly, it makes Ty Lee blush the sharpest red, “Here it’s too dark acadamia. Infuriating. Full of snobs who think they are the rulers of the earth and who are too prone to arson if provoked.” Azula responds and it makes them both laugh. “Yeah, full of _mes_. Listen, I’m coming to the city tomorrow. My father’s hosting a dinner for his diplomats and he wants me there.” She pauses for a moment, then adds, “And I want you there.”

An order, not a question. And yet it makes Ty Lee grin all the same.

“I’d love to, ‘Zula.” She answers, biting on her lip when she realizes she’s close to reaching the subway. “I have to go, I’m near the subway, but I’d love to! I can’t wait!”

-

The first time they kiss, they are drunk on wine, hidden in one of the mansion’s rooms, and Ty Lee swears she can see stars shining on the ceiling.

“Did you see the way my father looked at me when I mentioned my literature class? The one class that makes me the happiest, and he looked at me as if I’m wasting my time with that. I already majored in something he wanted, why shouldn’t I at least have classes I enjoy?” Azula’s pacing back and forth in front of the bed, and Ty Lee’s laying on it, looking up at the ceiling. “It’s whatever, though. I don’t _care_.”

Ty Lee sits up then – the urge to curse Ozai’s name latent – and edges closer to the edge of the bed. “Come sit with me.” She asks – pleads – and Azula does, begrudgingly. Ty Lee takes in a deep breath before speaking again, “If he’s not happy, it’s his loss. You’re worth being happy for. You make a lot of people happy. I know it’s not the same, Ozai’s your father. But you deserve better.” She cups Azula’s cheek, gently caressing it with her thumb, “Remember when you showed up at my seventh birthday? A year after we met? You wrote me a short story.” Azula nods, her lips slightly parted, “It was one of the happiest days of my life. My wish that year would be for you to show up at all my birthdays since then.”

There’s silence after that – Ty Lee worries she might have said something wrong: or worse, something with a hidden truth so obvious for everyone but her.

Then, she feels a pair of soft lips on her own. And oh, _oh,_ they taste like cherry and wine.

She presses her lips back, parting them slightly to let Azula’s tongue into her mouth.

The ease in which they kiss makes her moan.

She’s dreamed of this moment coming true. She dreamed of kissing someone, _her_ someone, and she’d dreamed how it’d feel like.

It feels like this.

They kiss for what feel like seconds – they could kiss for hours and Ty Lee wouldn’t mind – before they are interrupted by a knock on the door. Azula jumps away from her as if she got burned.

-

Azula doesn’t call or text for the next two weeks. It breaks Ty Lee’s heart, to say the least.

It’s a small crack (one that she didn’t know yet, but would keep on spreading), and she feels like she might puke.

She talks to Suki about it all the time, complains about it to Mai at one in the morning one time when she’s drunk on wine, rambles on and on about to Sokka whenever Suki’s running late to meet them. Her roommate’s taken it upon herself to wear headphones whenever Ty Lee’s around out of fear of having to hear _that_ story again.

She’s trying to seek answers from her friends – answers they couldn’t possibly have.

At least five time she’s gotten to the train station to buy a ticket to Caldera – one time she actually _does_ it but ends up gifting to an elderly lady who didn’t have enough money. She wants to storm into Azula’s dorm room and shake the answers out of her.

_Why don’t you call? Why don’t you text? Did I do something?_

_Did it mean_ anything _to you?_

She’s afraid of what that last answer may be.

One day, Mai has enough of it, because she says, “Zuko told me she’s coming to the city tomorrow, he said we’re welcomed to join them for dinner.”

Ty Lee tries (and fails) to ignore the pain in her chest when Mai tells her Azula’s coming because _why didn’t she tell_ me _?_ “Okay, I’m in. What should I wear?” She hopes she sounds nonchalant, but Mai’s pointed look is an indication that she didn’t.

“You could wear a color you never wear, like pink.”

Now Ty Lee is the one giving Mai a pointed look.

Before she gets to answer, Toph pops out from the kitchen.

“What’s that I hear? Ty Lee will finally get to smack that Azula down?” Toph mumbles, chewing on a tuna sandwich. She doesn’t bother swallowing before adding, “Finally, if I hear Ty Lee moping around about that girl one more time I’m going to use her toothbrush to wash the toilet.“

“Toph, I’m _right here_.”

“Yes, I know you’re here. I can _hear_ you.” Toph retorts and plops down on her favorite chair.

Mai fist bumps her – it’d odd, they have such similar personalities and yet get along perfectly fine. They rarely crash, and they frequently tease Ty Lee.

She’s fond of them, and she’d relish on that _I love my annoying friends_ feeling if she weren’t panicking about seeing Azula.

-

“Stop fidgeting, it’ll be fine.” Mai says, and she sounds bored. As if she’d rather watch a video of sloths climbing up a tree than attending a dinner with her boyfriend.

“Do I look good? Do I look nervous? Is this dress to long? Is my hair okay like this?” Ty Lee bombards Mai with questions, inspecting her reflection in the mirror.

“I look better. Yes, you do. No, it’s fine. Not okay, you really should wear something other than your braids sometimes.” Mai responds and pushes the button with the letters ‘FL’, the top floor.

“You’re an asshole.” Ty Lee retorts and puts her powder back in her purse. She leans against the wall, taking in deep breaths slowly.

“I love you, too, Ty Lee.” Mai waves her off and stands up straight when they reach the top floor. Ty Lee follows her movements and brushes her bangs aside, smiling when the doors open and Zuko pops into view.

He greets them with a smile and welcomes them inside, moving to kiss Mai on the lips. Ty Lee finds it adorable how cynical Mai blushes at the gesture.

Of course, if she ever says _that_ out loud, Mai would strangle her.

She walks down the familiar halls – the halls she used to chase Azula around and comes face to face with paintings on the walls – Azula and her always made fun of them, creating ridiculous stories that may have inspired the paintings.

She feels nervous, as if her heart’s indeed tugging her along, her brain not giving the directions.

She comes to a halt when she reaches the dining hall – it’s lit up, it’s brightness captivating.

The brightness doesn’t come from the lights, though.

Azula’s standing there, looking regal, her back to Ty Lee.

It’s as if she senses Ty Lee’s presence because she turns around and glares at Ty Lee.

Her gaze is penetrating, Ty Lee can’t look away.

She forces herself to do so when Ozai approaches her and greets her stiffly. He doesn’t dislike her per se, but he sure doesn’t enjoy her presence. He probably considers her too loud.

“Dinner’s ready.” He announces, and the room takes it as a clear indication to sit down, shut up and eat.

Zuko is the one who breaks the silence after the first curse – making them most of the fact that Ozai left the table to answer a call from one of his secretaries.

He asks Ty Lee questions about college, if she’s liking it, if she’s liking the ballet program, how she’s doing. Mai looks mildly interested, occasionally telling Zuko to _cool it, this isn’t a job interview_ and Azula – well, she’s still gazing intently at Ty Lee. She hasn’t even taken a bite out of her meal yet.

She answers each of his questions kindly, welcoming the distraction that it’s to talk about ballet and college.

She hopes the blush on her cheeks from Azula gazing at her so strongly isn’t showing – a roll of the eyes from Mai crashing those hopes to the ground.

“So, Ty Lee, I want to show you an essay I wrote.” Azula interrupts when Zuko’s in the middle of asking her another question, standing up abruptly. Ty Lee arches an eyebrow but follows her instead – as if there would be a time when she wouldn’t follow Azula.

They walk down the hall to Azula’s bedroom.

“What are you doing here?” She pointedly asks once the door is safely shut behind them, crossing her arms. “This was supposed to be a dinner for family _only_.”

That stings, but Ty Lee doesn’t let it show.

“I came here because you haven’t called me in the past _two_ weeks.” Ty Lee replies, huffing at Azula’s audacity to be annoyed. “I came here because we kissed, and you haven’t even texted me.” Her voice breaks slightly at the end, which causes Azula to look down. “I’m- I don’t even want to talk about _that_ if you don’t want to, I just miss you.”

Azula has the decency to look ashamed – or ashamed as she can look with that downcast look. She doesn’t respond for several minutes. The air’s too still, Ty Lee bites hard on her lower lip to keep herself from sniffling.

When she does break the silence, her voice is too small to be heard, “It was nothing.”

It’s barely audible, and yet it’s there. That stings, and Ty Lee lets it show.

“It was _not_ nothing. I know you felt something because I felt it, too.” She’s been tossing and turning at night for the past two weeks. It was just a kiss, but Ty Lee swears her soul left her body and vowed to accompany Azula forever.

Azula shakes her head, “We were drunk, it was nothing. Friends kiss sometimes – and that’s what we are, Ty Lee. _Friends_.”

She says the word like it’s an order and there’s no room for discussion.

Ty Lee fights back tears but nods – having Azula as a friend is better than not having her at all.

-

After that, things go back to normal. They talk on the phone every night, text frequently - like they used to, like they always have.

“Friends? With all the things you told me about this girl, I swear I thought she was your girlfriend.” Toph says, taking a bite out of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich Ty Lee made for her.

“No, she’s not my girlfriend Toph. She’s Azula.” She hopes she doesn’t sound too gloomy about it.

“So, let me get this _straight_.” Toph waits for the pun to settle and when Ty Lee doesn’t laugh, she does the laughing for both of them. “You two kissed drunkenly _once_ , and it was enough for you to realize you’ve always been in love with her?”

That sums it up. “Since then, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. All I do is think about Azula and how much I want to kiss her again and again and again.” Ty Lee groans then and buries her face in her hands. “I’m an idiot.”

“Yes, you are.” Toph says, patting Ty Lee on the head. “But she’s an even bigger idiot.”

-

The first time they sleep together, Ty Lee’s visiting Azula at Caldera.

They are at some party because Ty Lee insisted Azula make more friends.

_Come on ‘Zula, your roommate told me you spend all your time studying in your room._

_High school was for partying, Ty Lee._

_You would’ve done that in high school, too, if Mai and I hadn’t dragged you out of your room. Humor me, please? We can come back before 2:00am._

And so, here they are. It’s 3:13am and they are making out in a bathroom.

She doesn’t know whose they bedroom entered to ‘get some peace and quiet’ but she doesn’t care. She’s kissing Azula and she feels like she’s flying.

It’s harsh and urgent and they are both a bit drunk and she doesn’t know why she lives her life without doing this often.

 _Because she doesn’t love you the way you love her – she just wants to be friends, it doesn’t mean anything to her,_ her mind screams at her, time and time again but her heart’s beating too loud, so she doesn’t listen.

She parts her lips for Azula’s tongue, and my Azula may not be as experienced as others but she sure knows how to kiss. She’s perfect at it.

Like she’s at everything else.

“I’ve been wanting to do this-“ Azula murmurs against her mouth, softly, and Ty Lee wonders briefly if she heard correctly. “Your lips are soft. I’ve been meaning to do this again.”

“You’re drunk.” _And lying._ Ty Lee doesn’t want to get her hopes up, because chances are Azula’s going to wake up the next morning and act as if nothing happened or worse – be rude about it again and make sure Ty Lee knows it means _nothing_ to her.

(The next morning, she hates knowing Azula too well).

“So are you.” Azula says, pulling back from their kiss – Ty Lee misses the contact instantly and purses her lips so Azula can kiss them again. Instead, she trails kisses down Ty Lee’s neck, causing her to shiver.

Azula’s lips are soft and Ty Lee kind of hopes she’s leaving love marks because she wants to carry Azula with her everywhere she goes. (Ignoring, momentarily, how her heart already does the job).

Pushes from the sink and Azula staggers back a little, looking a mixture of worried and confused. “Did I do something wrong? Are you okay?” She asks, and it makes Ty Lee melt. She wishes Sober!Azula would be as sweet as Drunk!Azula.

Ty Lee doesn’t answer, instead she drags Azula out of the bathroom and into the bedroom – she locks the door and leads Azula to the bed, ignoring with all her might the way her heart is beating so fast. She hopes her palms aren’t as sweaty as she thinks they are.

This isn’t her first time – nor is it Azula’s – but for some reason, it feels like it is. She’s never had sex with someone she’s in love with.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” Azula asks, and she sounds sober for a second – she sounds calculating, trying to come up with the worst possible scenario that would come out of this. Ty Lee wishes she were rational like that.

“I am. Are you?” She sits down on the bed, looking at Azula expectantly.

The answer she gets is a kiss, and the rest is a blur.

She gets lost in Azula the way she always has – she used to be too young to notice or acknowledge it, but now that she has, there’s not other way but down.

That night, her heart leaves her body and takes up residence in Azula’s instead.

-

The next morning, Azula tells her it means nothing, that friends sometimes have sex, too.

Ty Lee only nods.

It happens regularly after that. Every weekend Azula’s in the city, every weekend Ty Lee visits Azula.

Azula calls it ‘friends being friends’, Ty Lee doesn’t know something like this would have a name.

They don’t talk about what it means, nor they ever acknowledge it. Ty Lee tells Toph and Mai about it, and she’s pretty sure Azula tells no one.

It becomes a habit that’s hard to kill because, well, Ty Lee’s in love with her. She doesn’t want it to ever stop, she doesn’t think she would survive it.

She knows Mai and Toph don’t approve. They constantly tell her she’s accepting Azula’s scraps.

And maybe she is, but it’s _something_.

-

The first time she fucks up is the first time she says ‘I love you’.

Toph went to visit her parents for the weekend so they have no qualms about having to be quiet.

Azula’s lips are on her clit and it feels so heavenly Ty Lee feels like she might cry. She always keeps her eyes shut because she knows Azula’s not ready for that kind of intimacy ( _would she ever be?),_ but sometimes she sneaks peaks to see if Azula’s enjoying it – she likes seeing the way Azula’s lips part slightly out of bliss when she lets herself _be_.

She shuts them again when Azula sucks on her clit, rubbing it deliciously slow with her finger.

She’s close to blacking out, her body and heart so full of Azula it’s overwhelming, she pays no mind when she murmurs, “I love you”, after coming.

It’s quiet after that – Azula stands up so abruptly that Ty Lee doesn’t even have time to play it off as something else.

“Wait- Azula!” She stands up too, reaching out to grab Azula’s wrist.

Azula steps back and puts on her sweater, avoiding eye contact with Ty Lee – who, in turn, is trying so hard not to cry.

“I didn’t- I didn’t mean-“ _I didn’t mean to say it._ “It’s nothing, okay? It’s nothing.” _It’s not nothing._ “Please, stop, stop getting dressed and look at me.” She begs and Azula momentarily pauses, giving Ty Lee the opportunity to cup her face.

She’s naked and Azula is almost completely clothed – she almost laughs at the irony.

“Don’t go.” She says, begs really, and bites on her lower lip. The look Azula’s giving her is so foreign – as if she’s far, far way, in a place Ty Lee can’t reach her no matter how hard she tries. “It was nothing, okay? It doesn’t have to be a thing! Come back to bed, we can watch that TV show you like.” She’s begging without actually begging and she feels completely pathetic, but she doesn’t want Azula to go.

Azula _almost_ looks like she’s going to give in when Ty Lee’s phone rings – they both gasp and Azula shakes her head. “I have to go, I have a thing with my father. I’ll call you.” She adds the last part as an afterthought, it’s not very convincing – Ty Lee wants to cry.

She lets the tears fall when Azula shuts the door behind her, leaving Ty Lee alone in the dark.


End file.
